Ecuador (Part 2)

“There are two types of companies – those that work to raise prices, and those that work to lower them.”

– Jeff Bezos, creator and owner of the Amazon

Introduction

I arrived in Riobamba, ready to get high off of the fresh mountain air. I have so many experiences to write here – hiking on Chimborazo, experiencing carnival and having my phone stolen, but all of that can wait. First, I must tell you all that something transformational has happened. I have converted to Mormonism.

As I waited for Niels (the German urging me to be less lazy) to finish an overnight hike, I went wandering through the town square. The sun was shining, birds were singing and I was happily content with my ice cream and a granadilla for later. This all came crashing down when out of nowhere I was approached by some anthropomorphic mayonnaise shaped as two humans.

“Well hiya there buckaroo! Have you heard the good news?”

This peaked my interest. What could it be? Had the stock I purchased in the adult diaper industry made healthy returns? Had Prime Minister Trudeau shaved his beard into a Fu-Manchu, thereby fixing relations with China? Had Caramilk finally made their secret public knowledge? As it turns out, the good news was that Jesus Christ had travelled to the Americas, something about a prophet Moroni and a local hero named Joseph Smith discovering the golden tablets letting us know these things.

Initially I was skeptical, but the conversation continued.

“As you can see from these photos, Jesus really did visit the Americas!” said Elder Vanillayoghurt, pointing to what was clearly a painting. To me though, the confidence to point to a painting, call it a photo, and claim it is as evidence all at once was nothing short of miraculous. So I said sign me up, and everyone can expect me door knocking soon as I return home. The only major hassle will be fitting in a huge Joseph Smith back tattoo when my Carlos back tattoo has already claimed such valuable tracts of land.

With that off of my chest, lets get down to the nitty gritty.

Phone Stolen

This is more of a service announcement to my hordes of frenzied fans the world over. During the festivities of Carnival, I had my phone swiped. This is devastating news for the blog because I no longer have the ability to take quick random pics and vids of things I find funny. I can also no longer make award winning personalized gifs, which I’m sure readers will shed a tear over. The other things, like loss of translator, maps and etc is almost a little fun. I feel more lost, less capable and increasingly uncertain about how I will get by. Fun! I miss my treasure trove of selfies, but its alright guys, there are mirrors here.

Chimborazo

Outside Riobamba stands a wee little mountain named Chimborazo. Its height is 6200m, its colour is red and its weight is almost certainly approaching that of your mother.

6200m you say? Thats not a big deal! There are higher mountains! The people here will wag a finger at you and say nope! Chimborazo is so close to the equator that the equatorial bulge on the earth makes this the point furthest from Earth’s core. See ya later Everest, you had your 15 minutes of fame. I like this theory but it is ultimately misleading, because as we all know the Earth is flat.

Even in spite of these lies Chimborazo remains a great place to hike. I reached 5200m which is a new personal best. Even at this height you can look up and see the mountain climb an additional 1000m (which is about the average vertical change of my hikes in Banff). Its inspiring, its amazing, its exhausting and it makes you feel extraordinarily small.

I hitch hiked away from this location, and you descend a further 2km down into Riobamba. I wish I had had my bike.

Carnival in Rio…bamba

When I arrived back in Riobamba the city’s atmosphere had changed noticeably. I was walking back to my hostel and got sprayed by a kid carrying foam. Later, some voices from a car shouted “Hola Gringo!” and when I turned to look received more foam. At another corner some kids were misting the air with water. Having just been hiking I thought this water felt great so I turned to them and said “Eh chicos, poco mas por favor!” and had to sprint out of there as five torrential streams of water flowed after me. By the time I got back I had been sprayed until soaked, and realized it was the beginning of carnival. Niels had returned and experienced the same. Together we declared that if it was a war the children wanted, it was a war they were going to get.

Carnival is just a big weeklong party mixed with a weeklong water and paint fight. Expect to be soaked daily in foam, water and balloons raining down from above. Expect to be covered in paint. Even the parade performers get sprayed from the sidelines.

You’ll likely dance in the street until the police shut you down, and then dance in the clubs until they shut you down again. I had an egg smashed in my hair. It began raining and I was picked up, placed in the street and had water kicked all over me. But then I got to participate and do that to someone else! We witnessed a real fight break out, and the crowds running around breaking it up. One thing carnival is not is boring.

The people were so nice. We were invited to share in everything local groups had, mostly because I think Riobamba isn’t too touristy and it is neat to have non-locals join in the festivities. I got into vehicles with plenty of groups of strangers, just as my mother had always taught me. Even with all the fun, you can only be wet and party for so long, so me and Niels had to leave to Baños.

Baños

Baños is the self proclaimed adventure capital of Ecuador, and me and Niels were ready for some climbing. So we were extremely disappointed when no one would let us rent a rope. We went on an epic quest throughout the city only to be turned away everywhere. They wanted us to also use a guide or go canyoning and we wanted no such thing. To make up for it we rented bikes and went straight downhill past plenty of falling water.

We didn’t get the adrenaline hit we so desired though so to make up for it we also crossed a rickety old bridge that had been long been condemned.

When we had enough of biking we pulled over to hitch a ride back. We had been under the impression that any old bus would stop for us, but after four cruised by it was apparent that this was not the case. We waited thumbs up, hoping for a bus or a truck. Niels started putting thumbs up for all vehicles, and I told him maybe we don’t want a small car to stop, seeing as we had two bikes with us. Of course, only because I said this it was fate that a small car would stop for us. It pulled over, completely blocking the highway lane at a corner with its blinkers on. Out stepped a friendly face, eager to try and shove our bikes into the back. In the end we had to dismantle the bikes, tie them into the trunk with the door hanging wide open, crawl in with his family of five and hold two wheels on our laps. We were the embodiment a clown car, but it worked and the family was super friendly.

No climbing could be done here, so we declared to hell with Baños, its time for the Amazon.

Cuyabeno

Me and Niels were dying to do something only locals do, so we took a tour of the Amazon. To our great disappointment we were surrounded by Europeans and North Americans. I’m sure this is just an anomaly, and we found a way to have fun anyhow.

We boated into where we were staying, nearly bumping into animals every turn.

I was at the hand rail made of bamboo talking to our guide about tarantula activity, learning that they are nocturnal creatures. He tapped the bamboo I was leaning on and said one has made its home in there and that I’d see it tonight. I thought maybe he joked but nope, it was there every single night. I could not have been more thrilled by this news.

Also, they live in the thatch roof. You see many in the common areas. Then I realized my bedroom has the same thatch roof, so I tucked my bug net quite tight.

I was actually more at peace with the creepy crawlies here than I had anticipated. Somehow they just fit in the jungle, and I could take a very academic and photographic approach to living in close quarters with them.

Its not just small creatures that live here though. We saw the magnificent pink river dolphins, cayman, and even a few anacondas.

The cayman can grow up to 5m, and the anaconda can grow to an astonishing 8m, both of which could easily dust a human. Faced with these incredible forces of nature you have only one choice, and the right choices is obvious:

During this swim, myself and Niels both independently swam under the boat on a mission to suddenly grab the unsuspecting leg of Fabian (the third swimmer). I think we took about 5 years off of his life, but at least we got a laugh out of it. Fair trade I reckon.

Speaking of losing life, one of the most challenging trials of the jungle was just keeping things out of Niels mouth.

Everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief when we came across jungle cocoa and he could finally chow down on something safe.

The plants of the jungle are equally as amazing and diverse as the animals. Many have healing properties. We visited a local Shaman to learn more, and he was kind enough to give us all a rub down with what I assume was poison Ivy.

Each night we went out to search for cayman with our lights. More often than not, these nights were filled with incredible starry skies. The jungle is never a silent place, the forest is alive with all kinds of sounds. Often I’d enjoy looking for cayman, but just as often I’d enjoy tilting my head back, listen to the roar of the jungle and observe the stars. I think that looking up at the stars and taking time to really contemplate how small we are should be a fundamental human experience, and one that I hope we don’t lose.

To Colombia

The next step was to get into Colombia. We were going back to Lago Agrio, and heading straight north to cross at the San Miguel crossing. If you look these place up on the internet you will learn that Lago Agrio is one of the most dangerous places in Ecuador, and San Miguel is one of the most dangerous crossings for the two countries. The Canadian travel agency advises against travel to this area of the two countries. I’m not here to tell you that this is ridiculous, or that you should not take caution, but definitely take what you read with a grain of salt. We were treated very well here, even being surrounded by students that wanted to hang out with us. These students bought us local snacks they liked, wanted to take pics with us, learn our english curse words and find out the music we like. When we went to the border we took a vehicle with a young mother and her two children. The Colombians at the border were extremely helpful, getting us to the trucks we needed for the next leg of our journey (no busses here, we sat in the backs of trucks for 4 hrs). The point is this, everyone else we met in Cuyabeno was horrified that we had stayed in Lago Agrio, intended to go back and would consider a crossing there. They all flew in, got on with a tour company and left by flight as well. To me its sad to hear these awful things, and then to be treated so well because you are so uncommon. Humans are human wherever you are, and once again I was filled with the belief that the majority of us are pretty good.

Conclusions

Life with no phone is fine, maybe even refreshing. The mormons make some excellent points. Foam and egg start to really smell if you don’t get on it quickly. The amazon is a magic, unique place. Definitely worthy of protection. The older gen told us not to believe everything you see on tv, im here to say don’t believe everything you read on the internet (they just hand blogs out to any old idiot these days). Whatever you think a car can hold, it can hold more.

Reid Patterson

Currently in very rural Colombia (and surviving just fine).