São Paulo

It’s like this in all directions

Reid, Andy and 12.6 Million of Our Closest Friends

Our plans to sleep on an overnight bus were fine in theory, but disappointing in practice. Brazilian AC is a marvel of modern engineering; somehow the air is piped directly from the lower Antarctic and delivered straight to your face. Its impressive to be sure, but not helpful for sleep. Our bus left Rio at midnight, and we arrived in Sao Paulo (Sampa) at 7:00, feeling just slightly less than fresh. Luckily the bus terminal was a calm and relaxing environment to enter during this state. Sampa has the second largest bus station in the world serving a modest 90 000 people per day (Source: my massive brain). Rio’s station had English as well, but Sampa’s did not. We wanted to purchase a ticket now for Foz do Iguacu. Each ticket kiosk is operated by different bus companies which each service different areas. We had to aimlessly wander the terminal to find the one sign that had “Foz do Iguacu” written in microprint amongst dozens of other cities. There was only one kiosk to have this. Having successfully attained our ticket, we headed out into the world to find our hostel.

Sampa and Rio are about as different as it gets. In Sampa, we seemed to drive the speed limit and stick in our lane, but the sights are less of mountains, beaches and favelas and more of endless concrete jungle. At first we were worried that it was going to be a charmless and intimidating place, but it didn’t take long to love it.

The hostel backyard, aka picnic tables we try to sleep at

Suddenly we awoke from our sleep with impressions on our faces resembling the wooden boards we used as pillows, learning without any doubt that picnic tables are a cruel and unforgiving place to rest. Once again we had arrived too early to check in, and seeing as sleep was not an option we were forced to take in the sights via 15km walk while delirious and sleep deprived. We exited the hostel and head right, a direction that has yet to fail us. We stumbled upon an open air market laid out over an overpass completely restricting traffic.

To your left: choice wares. To your right: the finest produce.

Locals were selling their finest produce and wares. We nabbed some mega choice wares. Just up the block from the open air market we witnessed a street ball dynasty unfold before our very eyes. Many challengers rose but all fell to the shirtless fleet of middle aged men. We thought this would be the high point saying to one another, “This is the high point.” But little did we know our walk had more in store for us. There was an open recreational space that caught our attention. An open gate was beckoning us with the sounds of drums and frivolity, we had to enter. Unfortunately the security guard didn’t see things that way, instead directing us into a nearby building. We went and tried to walk through, finding ourselves outside a locker room only to be redirected by some administration staff. The admin took us back outside and over to where the security guard was. An argument ensued, which we could only imagine was a great political and social deliberation having nothing to do with us. Three police officers approached as the administration gentleman communicated to them pointing at us. They instructed us to follow them and we didn’t argue. They ended up bringing us through the back of the football stadium and said we could just watch the game from there. It was very much an unexpected surprise.

I think they planned on matching. Me and Andy did not.

We chatted a while, because the one officer was happy to have a moment to practice english. One officer remained silent, while the last officer tried to make some light small talk. The small talk went something like this:

“I admire President Trump. Bolsonaro and Trump like this” (brings his index fingers together).

“I see.”

“Is your president right or left?”

“Well, things in Canada are certainly different. Our leader is left though.”

*Long fart sound, and thumbs down from him*

All in all it was the best political discussion I have been apart of. They left us and we watched the game until half. We left and went to the Futebol Museum that is within the stadium. It was cool, we mostly learned that Pele was the GOAT, personifying perfection according to the placard. We were a bit more into taking pics of these horrifying clowns however.

We left the stadium through the main entrance and had a good laugh about how ridiculous our entry had been. Headed to our hostel and slept.

Although this just screams “front entrance” it was our exit

Life in Beco Do Batman

Sampa is a town made for foodies and partiers. Restaurants, bars and clubs line the streets, especially in Villa Madalena. Quite by accident, that is where we were staying. Beco do Batman is a small area within Villa Madalena that has an intensely hipster vibe. Most of the walls have street art, unique and abstract.

In the Sampa food scene all cultures seem to be represented, but there is a special focus on Japanese. Sampa has the most Japanese people outside of Japan; a carry over from workers coming to work on coffee farms (Source: See Above). We ate Mexican food, chicharrons which were salty chicken skins wrapped in corn tortillas. Had a taste of american style burgers with cheese fries on the side, followed by a way to expensive bottle of sakes at a Japanese establishment. One place we visited every morning was Duckbill Coffee and Cookies for a much needed caffeine boost to begin our days. All these things were excellent, but the main reason we would ever return is just to have the opportunity to stay in a place named after Batman once again.

Some Quick Sightseeing

We lost a bunch of time in Sampa because planning our next stops became very difficult. There was a real panic that we might not get hostels where we want, or flights to Patagonia. Even now, there are holes in our plan that desperately need to be filled. Time for fun in Sao Paulo was sacrificed to work on planning for fun later. Staying in the whole time was simply not an option though, so we grabbed an Uber and went for a tour of the city. Up the Edificio Italia to see the intense sprawling metropolis.

Andrew just signed a $2000 deal to manually paving stone the entire city

Inside the Catedral de Se.

Very Europe

And over to Avenida Paulista (the 5th Avenue of Sao Paulo) where we walked home from.

If you like painted pictures go in this building

In Search of Nightlife

Following our Mexican meal we decided we should try to find some of this acclaimed nightlife. We asked our server if he could point us in the direction of anywhere good, and he excitedly nodded. He took our phone, started Google Translate and typed furiously. Andrew was the first to see the advice and told him he had done a great job, which was kind, but untrue.

Gotcha

We tried to go super down the road a little, but ended up missing our first straight. We went home instead.

Our final day we figured, alright, last chance to go out. We are going to go for it. Our driver from earlier in the day had mentioned D-EDGE, and we appreciated its Dad joke name, so we went. There was absolutely no one milling about, which is not a great sign. A man who seemed like a bouncer was snoring heavily from a chair. We had to shake him awake and when he finally came to he confirmed our suspicions. D-EDGE was closed that night. We had to make a quick adjustment and found out about a place named LABCLUB. With time slipping we decided to head straight over. We were ready to shred the dance floor, but found that there was some intense competition. A group of six guys were owning the floor dancing perfectly synchronized, with extreme energy and flopping all over. They could have been dancing backup for Beyonce. A dance battle was brewing, but me and Andrew didn’t have the courage to challenge them. Instead I stuck to my usual awkward shuffling, humiliated.

Conclusions

Sao Paulo started off feeling sketchy, dirty and crumbling, but those feelings were unfair. Sampa has character, and is a cool place to wander and treat yourself to a burger or a bottle of sake.

Sao Paulo: Half star out of ten.

Reid and Andrew,

Currently on a 21 hour bus (that we thought was 10 hours) to Foz do Iguacu.

PS: Reid still has no Brazilian wife, and time is running out. NOT VERY COOL!

Rio de Janeiro

Rio: 90% Sand, 2% Plants, 8% Other

Dark and tan and young and lovely, the boys from Ipanema go walking…

– Tom Jobin

On November 5, Andrew and myself awoke to a beautiful Saskatchewan -10C. We went to a large building, entered a metal tube, and emerged to find that it was November 6, 29C and extremely humid. This was seen by both as an improvement. With most of the travel behind us, we had only to complete the drive from airport to hostel. I have never been so thankful to be a passenger. Had I been driving we would not have even left the airport. I would have been sitting there with my turn signal flashing, cars flowing around me on either side and quietly muttering to myself that we would merge next time. We have been too conditioned to believe lanes and traffic systems are important. In Rio they see right through all of that and just go.

Long Walks by the Beach

When we arrived at our hostel we were instructed to check in at 2:00pm. The current time was 7:00am. So we forced our adrenaline glands to overclock and went for a walk to check out the beaches. Ipanema and Copacabana are well known for good reason. The sand is the softest I have ever experienced, and they go on forever and ever. We learned this the hard way actually. Beaches are somewhat deceiving because you can see all the way across them and assume that the distance must not be that great. What you don’t realize initially is that those tic-tacs at the far end of the beach are not in fact tic-tacs, they are buildings. Honestly though, shame on me for even considering that I would be seeing tic-tacs, what an absurd thing to think. We walked 13.8km alongside the beaches thinking the whole time how nice it would be to just fall in the sand and pass out.

Dirt Nap Recovery

Perhaps the best part about taking this beach walk was being able to observe locals just living life. Rio’s beaches are where a lot of exercise activity goes on: runners jog nearby, makeshift weight lifting zones having barbells with concrete ends and pull-up spots. But these conventional fitness modes are completely pedestrian when compared to this individuals deep sea thrusts.

Great Form!

Long Walks up a Mountain

The next day we went for a walk once again. The weather was not beach weather, so we tried to go find Christ the Redeemer (Corcavado). Finding things in certain neighbourhoods can be difficult because the city planning changes wildly from planned to unplanned it seems. The current theory is that some streets were marked out for construction by tying a marker to a dog and letting it run wherever. Walking around the lagoon we got our first (and only) glimpse of the statue on top of the mountain.

Tijuca and Corcavado up Top

At the same time we found the entrance to Parque Nacional Tijuca, a place I had no idea we would come across. We entered, and found a path that lead to Corcavado and decided to go that way. In order to go on the path, we had to sign a paper at a police outpost stating our names, entry time and emergency contact. Up the jungle path we met a German tourist named Sophie waiting for someone to walk with her as she was afraid of snakes. She rounded out our duo into a trio. The hike was sweaty work, we had never hiked through such humidity and it showed.

4 Points of Contact, Great Form Bud!

It looked as though Sophie had rescued us from the surf. Sweat dripped from places you did not want it to drip from, and covered places I was hoping to keep dry. The cheese slices in my bag melted into one delicious chunk. When we reached the top we looked like terrifying bush people. Everyone else had taken a car or a train, and then these three individuals emerge from the bush dirty, sweaty and exhausted. When we arrived the summit was completely not cloud covered and we were met with awe inspiring views of the bay and statue.

A Totally Authentic Photo

Long Walks Shuffling in Place

Sophie said that she always tries to go to Samba parties when in Brazil and became a resource for finding one. We had to enter our names onto an online registration sheet and went out to find the place in the evening. Beforehand, we met some of our hostel-mates during a drink at the bar. One was from Israel, and had apparently recently married Gal Gadot. VERY COOL! In turn he asked if we had ever met Justin Bieber, and I informed him that he and Andrew had recently tied the knot as well. VERY COOL! We left Ipenema in an Uber shortly after continuing with our strict diet of meat and carbs. It seemed every meal was inching us closer and closer to being ridden with scurvy. VERY COOL! Once we had reached Sophie’s hostel in Copacabana we hopped out of the Uber just to watch it drive away while thinking, we should order another… Once we actually reached our first parties destination we realized it was not the party we expected. The rooftop samba party was on the main floor. NOT VERY COOL! We went to the rooftop anyhow only to map out Lapa and devise a strategy so as to not use our phones. After leaving venue number one we looked for somewhere to stop for a cheap drink or two. Lucky for us there was a massive rivalry underway fighting skin and bone over our every Reais; two of the exact same confectionary spaces serving the finest liquors in all of Rio side by side. The one confectionary rose above the other by a large margin due to their supply of random liquid in large corked bottles, only $1,50 Reais per ounce. Andy went for the mystery liquid hoping to be pleasantly surprised. Andrew, feeling good and full of mystery liquid led the team across the street to Paiol 08. We slipped in like locals and shredded the dance floor until the sun came up.

Hot Take: Samba is Just Prettier Shuffling

Long Walks to Kill Time

We have been hoping to extend our time in Rio, but it just isn’t going to happen. We lost our hostel spot today and so decided to hit the dusty trail to Sao Paulo on the night bus. We took a walk out to some botanical gardens so that Andrew may officially right off part of this trip as a learning opportunity. The botanical gardens were neat, but too many plants for my garden tastes. Overall, the time in Rio is much to short. If we could stay, we would. We didn’t even have nice weather and still loved it a tonne. We got soaked by rain today, yet still enjoyed ourselves. Rio is gorgeous, so hopefully someday we will find our way back – and to better weather!

Rio de Janeiro: 2.5 stars out of 15

Reid and Andrew,

Currently headed to Sao Paulo

PS: Reid plans to move back after a short sabbatical to pursue the dream of finding a Brazilian wife using billboards broadcasting his availability. For work we have identified an opening in the fencing engineering field. Sounds like a smooth transition into his new and exciting life. VERY COOL!

Introductions


Time to let people know whats up

— Reid, 2019

The only person that is going to reliably read this blog is my Aunt Gloria. Not my mother. Not my grandmother. Not my best friend. In fact, I anticipate not much reading of this blog outside of my Aunt Gloria, bless her soul. This however, will in no way inhibit my ego, and its desire to make my mark upon the internet. If you are here and not named Gloria, thank-you. Please continue reading, sit by the fire and enjoy yourself, then promptly e-transfer me a nice tip.

A Brief Background

This blog is going to chronicle a trip. It may morph and change as time goes on, but for now it is solidly here to document backpacking through South America with my arch nemesis Andrew. Me and Andrew get along like faces and rocks thrown at faces – not well, and frequently bloody. He is an extremely dangerous figure, and honestly is best avoided all together if you value your physical safety.

Andrew is a Skilled Martial Artist

But Andrew is more than just a physical dynamo. His cunning is razor sharp and is a master of deception and trickery. A conversation can be just as deadly as a skirmish with this fellow. You’ve heard of reverse psychology, the most elementary form of manipulation. Andrew practices inverse psychology, leaving you so completely bewildered as to not know up from down. Happens every time.

Andrew Moments Before Giving Me Faulty Directions and Leaving Me for Dead

If you still aren’t fearful for me, here is a short list of further reasons. Andrew:

  • Has never described a baby animal as “cute” – psychopath?
  • Laughs at the frequency of the brown note
  • Speaks only in spooky haikus
  • Makes constant and unnerving eye contact

Now, I can just hear Gloria screaming out “Why would two archenemies travel together?” Firstly, please calm down. Secondly, world peace. If you become friends, you simply cannot maintain being enemies, and fewer enemies makes for a more peaceful planet. Thirdly, I have been lying this entire time. As today’s kids might say; me and Andrew are kindred spirits. Travelling to South America has been on our radar for a startling 8 years now. Just when I began to think this trip was nothing more than fantasy the planets aligned and tickets were bought. To say I am excited would be accurate – really hitting the nail on the head as it were.

In Closing

I don’t live in a fantasy world. I know this isn’t going to be anyone’s home page. Truthfully, I am more interested in practicing writing and doing something creative. But I will ask just one thing of all of you that have made it this far. Please set up roughly 100 bots each to check this website daily. I would love the ad revenue.

Cheers,

Reid,

Currently In: Saskatoon SK