Going in Circles

“This is a bad idea, this is a bad idea, this is a bad idea.”

– Reid, crossing Plaza De Armas in Arequipa

Introduction

When I first went to Arequipa, I had plans to continue south. I was planning to go to Puno and Lago Titicaca, La Paz to cycle the death rode and down to Uyuni to visit the salt flats.

As avid readers will know, these plans had to be abandoned, I returned to Ica and was sworn in as a bartender.

I was jaded as I left Arequipa and thought that from that point onward I would head resolutely northward. Two weeks later, I found myself walking across the Plaza De Armas of Arequipa. But before that story….

A Brief Update

In Ica, I had just hit “Publish” on the scamming blog post and my phone began to rumble and light up. Ricardo (Captain Ceviche from a few posts back) was sending me message after message. His cousin is a lawyer in Ica and he was desperate to get us in contact with one another. He was sending messages in English and Spanish, acting as the go between of me and his cousin. He texted me and said “she is on her way, send a picture of yourself to the group”. This picture was nearly my first contribution to the goings-on, and after I sent it Ricardo instructed me to go outside and walk around. I did so, and soon a lady waved at me. It felt very surreal. She called the police for an hour, and said she’d take me for supper and my bus that evening. I went in to say my goodbyes, and the Wild Rover staff cranked the song “You Are Beautiful” and sang me out. Me and the lawyer left for supper, ice cream and seeing some sights. She said she would continue looking into the case, and that I was free to move on. What a whirl wind.

Where To Go Next?

Just prior to this lawyer event, I was faced with the crisis of where to go next. Should I go to Huaraz? Trujillo? Home to Saskatoon? Fortunately, the human body is an amazing machine. Our meat vehicles come fully equipped with all manner of directional aids. When in doubt, anyone can follow their nose, and those in tune with their emotional selves can follow their heart. If you are a deep sleeper you may be able to chase after your dreams. The religious among us listen and respond to the movements and prodding of their soul. There is however one compass that is uniquely male and in retrospect it would be hard to argue that this wasn’t the one that dicktated the mental conversation.

You see, I was invited to visit Arequipa alongside Luma, the mysteriously aforementioned (previous post) Brazilian wife. Seeing as Andy had tried so very hard to find one prior to this, it felt dishonourable to him to not at least go and see. The brain justifications had begun, and I bought my ticket.

Back To Arequipa

Upon arrival in Arequipa I was doused in a panic sweat. My brow played host to rivers of perspiration that cascaded down over my shoulders and flooded down my back. What had I done? Suddenly this whole thing felt very very stupid. But I marched onward, found a hostel and tried to find out where Luma was. She was in Plaza de Armas, so off I went, desperately trying to recover the Silverback persona I had in Cusco.

A Brief Aside: Since turing 26, my facial hair has been growing a little bit faster, and in a few more places! Wow, I think 2020 is gonna be a banger.

Back to the Main Story: I found her in a balcony and we re-introduced. I was extremely suave and debonaire, well put together and a general 10/10.

I was under the impression her name was “Luma Atica” but discovered that that was just play on words for “lumatica”, the Portuguese word for lunatic. Another cold sweat broke out with this revelation; she was a self proclaimed maniac. Luckily she did not kill me, and we decided on a few things to do.

A Different Paced Week

Following the insanity of Wild Rover in Huacachina I was excited to just chill out. Luma was in Arequipa volunteering at a kids summer program. I am not proud of this, but I pretty much just slept until she was off work everyday (noon). I think I needed it! From there all days looked the same: we would meet up after work or after I bouldered, we would explore a portion of the city, make or get food, either go out for a party or just go to sleep.

There isn’t the same level of excitement to report as the previous post, and for that I am sorry, but I was also glad to be able to spend some days not under constant pounding stress.

Learning Spanish

I had jokingly referred to Luma as my Spanish Professor, but it turned out that that is actually what she is. At home in Brazil she teaches spanish in a university. We tried to communicate as best we could in our off languages (her english was pretty good though). She taught me dozens of words and phrases, and I managed to teach her that “Not Bad” actually meant good where I am from. Guess we are even.

Our conversations led to so many strange observations about english:

• You can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but never whelmed (originally came across this idea in The Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson)
• You see each other in the morning, in the afternoon but AT night
• Wanting so much popcorn is much different than wanting popcorn so much
• Many other merry mixups

When I had questions about things in Spanish, Luma could describe the proper uses, the linguistic evolution and the cognitive theories relating to how we learn language. When she asked me questions about English, I had to tell her that English is more like Samba: Its just a feeling, don’t try to make sense of it. There are no correct teaching styles.

I’m sure at one point my high school english teacher Ms. Chef (name changed to protect identity) taught me what to do when a gerund double backflips and dangles from a participle, but (and this may come as a shock to all) I was not exactly a star english student. Being more interested in math I performed better in Mr. Wife and Señor Bandito’s courses.

Around Town

Arequipa is nestled in the ample bosom of three active volcanoes, each one typically shrouded in cloud.

The surrounds are beautiful but the real treat is that the local nunnery is a UNESCO world heritage site. You heard that right! Another one! Unbelievable! So me and Luma gotst thineselfes to a nunnery, poste haste.

Luma is practically a historian and taught me about this and that everywhere. A famous author named Flora Tristan had come to this nunnery, and went on to publish a book about being a pariah. Luma is interested in “resistance” women, and introduced me to many. Also a lover of art, we checked out some galleries. In one of them I was stopped dead in my tracks. My younger brother Devin had clearly been the muse for some South American painter, and I was frightened by the artwork.

In addition to this some artist used a grotesque amount of potential horse feed just to make a sculpture.

Much of this was just from wandering around. Arequipa is a very nice place to be directionless, and I recommend being just that if you go there.

Colca Canyon

One afternoon, fed up with being well rested and in good spirits I launched an enquiry towards Luma:

“Luma, is there any way I can be forced to wake up at 2:00 a.m.? I am really distressed with how much sleep I am catching up on!”

She told me we should go to Colca Canyon, and that luckily the busses leave Arequipa at 2:30 a.m.! She made me wait outside the tour office so that she could go in alone and perhaps get a better price. This method generally worked well for us anytime we wanted to buy something. She would warm them up, then motion to me to step forward. No more Gringo pricing schemes!

The next morning we were off. The funny thing about getting up that early (after dancing the night before) is that you pretty much sleep the whole time on the bus and get jolted awake only when there is a stop to see. Maybe it would have been a good idea to go to bed earlier. Maybe not. So here is a series of photos allowing you to have the same experience as me:

I hope you have enjoyed the tour.

One Last Memory

Arequipa is a great place. The main square is always extremely busy; day time concerts, carnival, peaceful protests, or night time mourners. Its a great place to just be in, with or without a plan. One night, that was exactly what we were doing. Suddenly drums start roaring and this squad of clowns come running into the square, with signs and balloons and a full band. They start a huge circle dance, and soon Luma is pulled into it. Not long after I am pulled into it. At the conclusion of this, a large amount of hugging ensues. There is about a 5 person hug, and me and Luma are side by side. At this point another clown hugs me from behind, surprising me and causing me to inhale sharply. The strangest thing happened in that moment, my sharp inhale sucked a sizable amount of Luma’s hair straight down my windpipe and tickled the inside of my lungs. There are some bad first date things to do; eating messy food, farting and talking too much politics. I had no idea that being caught with a fair amount of their hair dangling a foot down into your body cavity was even possible, but was sure it fit into the category of things not to do. The extraction process was….interesting. But it made for a good laugh.

The clowns ran around the square a few more times, and then scattered into the night; off towards the next square. Luma had talked to some of them so I asked what that had all been about.

“They are just a club of young people that want to make people smile.”

I like that.

Conclusions

I went back to a place I thought I would never be again, and did not do a whole lot. Despite this, it was one wonderful week. Whatever I followed, be it heart, mind, nose or something else, it did not lead me astray. Arequipa is a beautiful place to try and blend into, and having someone fun to do it with makes it that much greater.

Some Learnings: If at first you don’t find your brazilian wife, try, try again. Knowing someone only one week-ish can still make it hard to say goodbye. Arequipa is better when you are exploring it and not constantly calling your bank. Follow your body’s many compasses, because they lead to a lot better things than your brains plans do.

Reid Patterson,

Currently sitting in Huaraz, ready to climb rocks

P.S. Luma, if you are reading this, see you someday in Brazil. That would be really not bad.